A deeper look into why the heck I am still doing this right now
When you forget why you commit to something, come back to your why.
I’m 25 days deep into a 30-day writing journey, and I remind myself why every day.
In this last week, I face the ultimate test. Can I do it? Will I do it?
To the first question, yes. To the second question, I need to dive deeper.
I need to break down my why; what I told myself on Day 1.
#1 — To show myself it can be done, not just by anyone, but by me
By Day 25, I know I can do it. That doesn’t mean I need or want to. It’s ego-driven at this point. I’m still showing up so my ego can rest knowing I committed till the end.
At this stage in the game, I don’t believe anyone should do anything every day for 30 days other than the basics of existing like shower, eat, and sleep.
Specifically, I’d opt out of an activity as emotionally and intellectually demanding as creativity. Creating something from scratch, from 0 to 1, exposing your soul for all to witness as you go.
None of that is natural. Freeing, yes. Empowering, somewhat. Sustainable, not so much.
Think twice before you commit because you’re in for an absolute ride.
#2 — To return to the best version of myself
The best version of me acts without fear and puts herself out there to grow and expand.
Writing every day, and more importantly, distributing it to my social media network including people who know me in real life, has forced me to get here.
In this context, I’ve succeeded.
#3 — To gain confidence, clarity, discipline
Confidence builds when your actions align with your thoughts and desires.
I’ve always known I could write daily for 30 days without producing a load of useless content. But the lack of proof or execution hurt my self-confidence. Next time I need a confidence boost, I’ll align my actions with my thoughts.
Writing forces clarity.
No other way to put it.
What’s clear to me today is that I’ve thrown my heart over the bar and my body has followed. As clinical psychologist Karen Nimmo writes:
“When you’ve thrown your heart over the bar, you have something you are fully invested in. That makes your heart sing. Maybe it’s your work or a hobby or a side hustle or art or just something that quietly brings you joy. People crave feeling passionate, excited and invested.”
What’s clear is that I’m in the arena doing my thing, and it’s full of spectators.
Based on my past, I know I’m a disciplined person.
Scratch that.
I am not a disciplined person. I am a person who practices discipline.
Being disciplined is not something you inherently are. It’s something you practice. It’s something you do.
Discipline is a virtue in the context of capitalism: the extraction of labor from the working class for the profit of the bourgeoisie.
Discipline needs to be counterbalanced by simply being and existing.
Discipline and Being complement each other like yin and yang. They exist in duality, each not fully satisfied without the other.
So, in terms of confidence, clarity, and discipline, I’ve checked all the boxes.
Closing Thoughts
Quitting a 30-day goal is a power move, especially in front of others who are either cheering you on or secretly hoping you’ll fail.
In my piece on life lessons, I wrote, “Know when to quit or pivot…the sooner you recognize that need, the more adaptable you become and the better off you’ll be in the long run.”
I’ve considered wrapping up the journey here as I’ve addressed all the points in my Why, except perhaps the first one, which is purely ego-based.
I’ve done my best to think of my reader with every piece I publish. In this case, I need to keep it real and let the people know what the journey feels like behind closed doors.
As this platform’s email marketing team likes to suggest, “It doesn’t have to be polished. It just has to be real.”
I’m not stopping here. Four more days of this experimental journey with so much more in store.
Thanks for reading!
If you gained value from my piece, thank you in advance for showing me some financial love. ❤️
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Melissa Chanthalangsy 
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